I fell in love with a guy... about almost 7 months ago. He has the most beautiful eyes on earth. He has the most unforgettable scent, most endearing smile... and he's the sweetest, faithful, crazy, natural, and wonderful guy I've ever known. I fell in love with him 'coz he was there when I needed him, he was there and I needed a hug, and he said he loved me so truly that I couldn't resist. And for almost 4 months, I got to call him mine, and it was the most pleasure moment ever.
Every time... every time I looked into his eyes, it's as if I could see something. Every single time I looked into his eyes, I felt a nudge in my heart. A comforting nudge. A warm one. As if it touched the very bottom of my heart. And I used to always sleep so soundly every night, after feeling that warm comforting thing in my heart.
Then all of a sudden things changes. We fought a lot. We never cursed, but blamed each other a lot. He became so far away.. he became like a distant away, as if he's not there anymore. And what disappointed me a lot, I couldn't see that look in his eyes anymore... and I missed it so much... I missed that comforting feeling. He was so far away, I couldn't grab him. He changed... or maybe I changed..?? He was like a stone, like a cold feeling hard stone of a man, he didn't care about a thing I felt. He didn't looked for me when I was nowhere to be found... he didn't came to me when I was cold out there under the rain, he didn't call asking if I was okay... he never said sorry anymore... He turned to be a cold heartless guy that I didn't know. I was mad.. I was angry... but somehow, deep inside me I still love him very much.
I tried to change him. I didn't want him to become a guy like this. I didn't want him to be like this.. but he refused. He said, "This is who I am." And he broke up with me. He left me when I needed him the most. He left me questioning, wondering, why does this have to end up like this?? He left me asking to myself was I wrong? He left me lost. Finding answers that I know I couldn't answer by myself. He left me crying in the middle of the night, hoping... wishing.. begging... for him to come back. He left me pleading so badly to him, saying that I wouldn't try to change him anymore and I could accept him like that... But he still left me with an answer : "NO". He left me missing his gentle smile, gentle eyes, and gentle touch...
If I had typed this article last night, I wouldn't have finished it. This... is so hurtful that typing it made my heart bleed several times. Because that night.. I was angry at him.. and all I wanted was him to become the guy I fell in love with. That best guy I couldn't ask for more. That guy that I fell in love with almost 7 months ago.. that guy that I called my boyfriend almost 3 months ago.
Right now.. I'm still hurt. But I couldn't blame anybody... because maybe it's my own fault. But to be honest... I still in love with the guy that has the most beautiful eyes on earth, the most unforgettable scent, most endearing smile... and he's the sweetest, faithful, crazy, natural, and wonderful guy I've ever known. I'm still deeply in love with the guy that used to be there when I needed him, when I needed a hug, and when he said he loved me so truly that I couldn't resist.
He says he still loves me... and somewhere down there in my heart, I trusted that... I believed that he still loves me.. I guess I couldn't force him to change.. yeah.. it's my fault. And if he gave me another chance, I wouldn't want to repeat the same mistakes again. I love him so much.. I wonder if he knows...
And God... all I want is him to come back and make my days better like he used to do. All I want is to be a part of his life, to be someone important to him, to be considered, to be loved, to have him like before.. to be behind each other's back in every problem... like we used to do..
He may not be everything to me... but he is definitely someone that is really important to me. And I couldn't bare losing him...
No comments:
Post a Comment